Green Eyes, Black Heart

 

by

 

G.L.Fox

 

'Who's my lovely, pretty little boy?'   He heard a voice in his head from long ago.  He froze and stared into the reflection of his eyes and was a little boy again.'

 

What is the connection between a murder that happened twenty-four years ago, and the current spate of murders in a small town, and is everyone who they appear to be?

The killer is urged on by the 'voice' of Jack the Ripper.

 

As the death toll rises, DI Mark Baines is drawn into a web of deception as a series of startling events unfold.

Excerpts of reviews of the first few chapters, from members of YouWriteOn.Com

***

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. The prologue was gripping, full of action and mystery. Then the tempo completely changes in the opening chapter which is a good contrast. The domestic scene is convincing and natural; Simone's obsessive cooking and Mark's gentle, concerned counselling. By the time Mark leaves the house, the reader has a good sense of the unbalanced state of Simone's mind.

Some of your imagery is excellent, such as ' draw out a problem with as much ease as he would pull out a splinter'.

Your dialogue is good. The 'detective-speak' is clear and plausible, as are the interchanges between Mark and Dickie. You have also captured Mr Taylor's dialect well.

The progression of the story and pace is excellent. Each new scene follows logically and convincingly. You also expertly drop in intriguing little clues, like is Mark going to have a fling with Carol?

You have created a powerful cliffhanger to end with. I very much wanted to read on and find out what happens next.

Well done, G. L. Fox. I honestly think this not only will be a great book, but I think it absolutely lends itself to being converted into a screenplay. I am convinced the resulting movie would be full of suspense and very exciting.

*** 

I’m pleased I was assigned this as there is a lot I liked about it including the title; catchy and full of images. The story is very well structured. I think the short intro followed by the start of the investigation works well.

I also liked the comfortable way you tell the story. The narrative voice is confident and gives just the right amount of descriptive detail without holding up the plot.

 ***

On reading, I felt that these first few chapters of Green eyes, Black heart were very nicely written and should appeal to people who enjoy this style of book.

The build up of the characters was extremely good, although I felt that the main character was almost reminiscent of Inspector Rebus, but that may have purely been down to the reference of the cigarettes.

There are certainly a nice number of possible sub plots starting to build around the main murders - not too many to be confusing and not too few that the whole story becomes a bland recounting of facts.

Basically, I think it is very enjoyable and will hopefully get the chance to appeal to the masses of crime/thriller enthusiasts.  Good luck

***

Great story idea for crime/thriller. It has the right momentum for them. Good drama, intrigue and suspension.

 ***

I think this is a good read with lots of hooks to keep the reader interested.

 ***

Well constructed and well planned, as any crime story should be. In all, the storyline did captivate me, and I would have liked to read on and seen the conclusion of the story, and who our murderer is. I think by the stories tone it's someone known, and who's in a job of power with personal problems that will relate in the book. I wish I knew the answer, so to make one think like this, the story must be given a good word, and congratulations. Well done.

***

I have to say straight away that I would not usually read this type of story because I am uncomfortable with descriptions of serial killings - just a personal squeamishness. However, I thought your handling of the corpses, so to speak, was restrained yet descriptive, without being ghoulish, so I read on. I liked your protagonist: you made him sympathetic and, I thought, authentic. Very clever and sufficient to make me want to read more. Good luck.

***

Love the dialog - it seems realistic and lively; it seems to be between the characters with the reader just eavesdropping.

 ***

The end hook is exciting and disturbing, and piques interest.

***
Good Story. Good Writing.

***

This is an interesting read. You have done exactly what I want with the first page, get me interested enough to read on. Already I was trying to guess the outcome. There was enough detail in those first few lines to have me guessing in several directions how this is going to end. It is a good crime novel, the description is good but I would have liked more detail. I know we should let our imagination work but more would have been nice. Now the down side, I'm an experienced police officer so straight away this was easy reading. I know what HOLMES is along with plenty of other 'police speech'. I would suggest you try and explain it more to the reader so that they also will find it easy to follow. The characters all felt a bit typical of every crime novel, but that isn't your fault because it has all been written before. Anway, I don't know how they progress, thes are only the first few pages. I enjoyed it. Good luck.- Author's note:- Changes have been made to comply with these observations.